Saturday, July 11, 2009

Fuzzy, or l'ours goaleur...

Penned May 19, 2006

I don't know how many of you listen to the CBC, but for those of us in the wilds of Northwestern Ontario, Radio One is just about our only source for the daily sound byte. Frankly, I sort of like it that way. If you have to choose one source for your news, should it not be the state-run media?

Regardless, on the CBC there was discussion recently about a biological anomaly that sprung up in the Far North. A tracker on the hunt for a polar bear was successful in gunning down a large trophy specimen. However, upon closer inspection, he realized that there was something bizarre about this particular bear. It had a larger head than most polar bears, and its eyes were ringed by dark circles. He brought the corpse to the MNR, which could make neither heads nor
tails of it. A sample was brought to the nearest university, where it was revealed through genetic screening that it was not simply a polar bear, but rather, a half Grizzly, half Polar bear. Numerous monikers were suggested for this creature, such as those listed above. Besides
the quandary of naming the beast, there was the more unique problem of deducing how this fascinating animal had come about.

The biologist who had determined the make up of the bear theorized of its origins. It was a might bizarre to hear him do so, as he described the only possibility, the mating of a Grizzly and a Polar bear. He spoke of the amorous encounter in almost human terms. He stated that could only have been their first time, and that since it was the winter in the North, it was dark. The two were likely confused, and as it was getting late in the season, they were both a bit desperate to do the deed. Hence, when all was said and done, there was a most noteworthy aftermath.

And as this university professor spoke of the romantic union in the way he did, it began to sound more and more like the first time, for I'm sure, a lot of people. For many of us, myself included, it was a confusing affair. It was dark. And for some of us, it was getting a bit late, and we *just* may have been a bit overeager. Just a little. It was a fumbling, bumbling experience, but eventually everything worked out. All parts made it into the right place, and all of a sudden,
everything felt right. And you opened your eyes, and you realized that your lover is absolutely the most beautiful polar bear in the world...

O... kay... So maybe that wasn't necessarily the case for all of us. But regardless, the first time was likely a bit of an awkward experience, and for some of us (particularly the ladies among us, I'm sure) more than a little unsatisfying. But as time wore on, we hopefully started to figure it out. With increased experience, we actually learned how to navigate those uncertain waters of human sexuality, and discover how magical, pleasurable and satisfying sex can be. And we come to realize, that, in the end, sex really is much better with a grizzly bear.


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